The Lost Knight
by ureshiitamago
Summary: A lady who is shorter than Will, who Halt (possibly) is scared of, and a knight/part time assassin with a terrible sense of direction. What fun! (Rated T because we're paranoid.) No romance except canon
1. The Return

**ureshiitamago: So, my friend acacia626 and I are collabing on this. :) I hope you all like it!**

**acacia626: Um, ok, so this is my first story, so…...yeah. And stuff.**

**ureshiitamago: -_-' not very talkative are you?**

**acacia626: No.**

**Evan: Can we get started before I have to poke you with my knitting needle?**

**Little Brother: Disclaimer; ureshiitamago and acacia626 don't own Ranger's Apprentice. And Warning, this will be set after the 11th book, but well before the 12th book. Also, Halt and Pauline will be younger. **

**Chapter 1: The Return**

Pauline, a tall and graceful grey haired woman, sat down with a cup of tea. Quietly, she sipped it while eyeing the others who were sitting around the living room with her. Will, Alyss, and Horace were currently visiting her and Halt in their small apartment in Castle Redmont. Halt looked at his wife fondly, and then glared at her choice of beverage. Despite having been married for nearly seven years, they still disagreed with each other over tea and coffee.

"So…" Will began, trying to keep his old mentor from glaring a hole into the tea cup. It was effective, the glare was redirected towards Will. He flinched slightly and then went on. "What was it that was in the report that I never got to see?" Halt's glare subsided a smidge.

"It was the movements of slave traders along the coast, and some movements of a new religion." Halt sneered slightly in disgust at the last statement. Will nodded slowly.

"So...we're going to do something about both of them, right?" He asked. Halt grinned feraly.

"Yes." Pauline smiled into her tea, and locked eyes with Alyss, who was also smiling in amusement. The girls grinned at each other, and rolled their eyes at their husbands antics. Horace looked up from the bread roll he was demolishing.

"I get to go too, right?" He asked, eyes flicking from Halt to Will. Will grinned at his friend, then looked at Halt pleadingly.

"As long as he doesn't eat all of our supplies." Halt growled in a mock fierce tone. Pauline set her cup back down on her saucer, and glanced from Halt to Will to Horace.

"Don't underestimate slavers." She said warningly. "They do the work that they do because they are great at not being caught." Halt looked at her askance.

"Are you suggesting that we won't catch them?" He asked suspiciously. Pauline smiled mysteriously.

"No. I'm just warning you." She said, sipping her tea once again. Halt glared at the cup in disgust, and then stood up, grabbing his bow and quiver from behind the chair he had been lounging in. Will and Horace followed suit. Horace, who was closest to the door, reached it first and opened it, only to have a small fist driven into his stomach. He quickly backpedaled, and winced in pain. Will peeked around his large friend, and saw a diminutive woman standing in the doorway with a puzzled look on her face.

"Since when did wooden doors suddenly turn into cloth?" She asked in a gravelly voice.

Will blinked. "Uh, the door opened?" He said questioningly. The lady let out a short bark of laughter.

"I get that." She remarked sarcastically. She tilted her head way back to look up at Horace. "Since when do they make size 'giants' in knights?" she asked.

"It's not my fault." Horace said under his breath. Then, in a louder tone, "I was born big." The lady eyed him up and down before snorting.

"Yeah, yeah. So was I." She said gloomily before pushing past Horace. "I was told that I could find Paulie here." she said in an explaining tone.

Pauline, who was just finishing her tea, noticed the tiny woman, and a wondering expression crossed her face.

"Evie**?!" **


	2. The Pint Sized Terror

**ureshiitamago: XD yay! This is going so smoothly! (Once the creative juices started flowing…)**

**acacia626: That took a while…**

**ureshiitamago: Well, **_**writing**_ **it did...actually getting the creative juices flowing took about 2 to 3 hours. And then you had to leave. **

**acacia626: Not my fault….**

**Evan: Just get started already. Disclaimer; they don't own Ranger's Apprentice. Done. Now start, before I kill you and dispose of your bodies.**

_Pauline, who was just finishing her tea, noticed the tiny woman, and a wondering expression crossed her face._

"_Evie?!"_

**Chapter 2: The Pint Sized Terror**

"I told you to call me Evan." The newly named Evie said, placing her hands on her hips and pouting at the much taller woman. Will wondered how it was anatomically possible for someone to be shorter than him.

"Well, I'm still going to call you Evie." Pauline said, sipping the last of her tea and setting it to the side.

"The rest of you better call me Evan." she growled fiercely at the rest of them. Will looked at Halt, who seemed to be trying to keep an expression of horror off of his face. He was failing miserably.

Pauline gracefully stood up and walked over to Evan, then grabbed her in a huge hug and swung her around like a little doll.

"Evie, I've missed you so much! We have to get caught up over tea. And we absolutely must go dress shopping for you!"

"Only if the dresses are chainmail." Evan remarked calmly from her position. She only looked slightly irritated that she was tiny enough for someone to easily pick up and swing around.

Pauline's expression of excitement slowly faded off her face, and she set Evan down.

"Perhaps another time, Evie dear." she said despairingly. Evan smiled in triumph. Finally, she seemed to notice that there were more people in the room other than the giant and Pauline. Her eyes narrowed at Halt, and Will noticed with interest that Halt looked more frightened than he usually did when Pauline suggested hair cuts.

"Pauline?" Evan asked. Her voice cut like a knife through the air. Once she was sure she had Pauline's attention, she pointed at Halt accusingly. "Why is _he_ here?"

Pauline smiled at Evan. "I married him, dear. Be nice."

Evan looked at Pauline out of the corner of her eye, her hand going to what looked like a knitting needle that was tucked into her belt. "I can't even disembowel him a little?" she asked, somewhat crestfallen.

"No, dear. Disemboweling people after seeing them for the first time in twenty years isn't very nice."

"Can I mortally wound him…" she looked at Halt, who was visibly sweating now. "...on his shoulder?"

"No, Evie. He needs his shoulder for fighting. I would like my husband to come back alive from his trip."

Evan pushed her bottom lip out and crossed her arms. In that pose, she looked very much like a little kid who was told that they couldn't have any candy. Will looked back and forth between Evan and Halt, wondering what the big deal was between them to make Halt look so...dare he think it...afraid.

"I can't even wound him a little?" Evan was saying.

Pauline smiled at her tolerably. "No, Evangeline. I would like my husband to be safe and have no wounds caused by my best friend. Tea?" Evan glared at Pauline.

"Don't call me that." she demanded. "And no, I prefer coffee." Pauline looked a little put out.

"You had better ask Halt then. I don't know how to make coffee."

"You just admitted you don't know something!" Evan exclaimed, her jaw dropping in astonishment. "Wow! Maybe marriage is good for you!" She noticed Halt standing up a bit straighter after that comment and added; "I still hate _him_ though."

Will coughed apologetically. "Um, so, Pauline, how do you know Evan?" he asked, using Evan's prefered name. Evan smiled at him.

"Thank you for using the name I actually like." she said happily. "And I knew Pauline before _he_" she jerked her thumb in Halt's direction, "ever did."

Will nodded slowly, taking in Halt's pale face. He grinned to himself, and asked, "How come you don't like Halt?" Evan sniffed in disdain.

"He calls me by the name I hate." she said irritably. Will's eyebrow shot up.

"Is that the only reason?" he asked incredulously. Evan had the grace to look a little bit sheepish.

"Kind of. I also knew that he 'had the hots' for Paulie. I'm kind of a mama bear over my friends." she explained to Will. He smirked and looked at Halt, whose face was now a bright red and covered by his palm.

"Anyway. I'm sorry it took me twenty years to show up again, Paulie." Evan said, turning to Pauline. "Your castle misplaced itself."

Pauline raised a slender eyebrow at the black-haired woman.

"I think you mean that you got lost." she said seriously. Evan's teal eyes narrowed at the taller woman.

"No, your castle moved itself when I wasn't looking." she said slowly.

Pauline raised her eyes to heaven. "No, you got lost."

"No, the castle moved."

"Did you ask for directions?" Evan hesitated slightly.

"Ye-es?" she drew out the word and turned it into a question, something that Will used to do.

Pauline put her hand to her head. "Did you _follow_ the directions?" Evan drew herself up as tall as she could muster.

"Of course. They just kept on changing the directions." she said haughtily.

Pauline hid a smile. "Which way did the directions say to go?"

"North." Evan said after a pause in which she seemed to be trying to remember what the directions were. Will watched the conversation in fascination. Never before had he come across someone with such a horrid sense of direction. "So I climbed a tree." Evan went on.

"Do you know which way north is?" Pauline asked. Evan mutely pointed up. Pauline hid her face in her hands.

"No, Evie. North is that way." she said, and pointed out the window. Evan looked out the window.

"No, that's left." she said in a that's-so-obvious tone.

Pauline rolled her eyes. "It's also north. And guess what? South is also right." Evan looked at her askance.

"No, South is that way." she said, pointing to the ground. At this point, Will was sure that Evan was just playing with Pauline. He looked sideways at Horace, who seemed to be trying to smother laughter. Unfortunately, a snort escaped, and was heard. Evan's head shot in the direction of the snort, and Will jumped to the side, avoiding her glare which could rival Halt's when he didn't have coffee in the morning. Her eyes narrowed dangerously at Horace, whose shoulders were shaking with mirth.

"Something funny, kid?" She asked in a raspy voice.

Horace went pale, and stopped laughing. He shook his head violently, hoping to avoid bodily injury. Evan smiled, and walked over to him, and then grabbed his ear and pulled him down so that he was face to face with her. She looked at him, noting the various scratches and the muscles.

"I've decided." she said. Horace let out a questioning grunt. She smiled a smile that Horace would soon learn to fear. "I'm going to mentor you." she said delightedly. "Eh, what's your name, kid?"

Horace was crying internally, but he responded in a strong voice. "Horace Altman." Evan nodded.

"Okay, Horace, just call me Evan." she said. She whipped her head to look at Alyss. "And you?"

Alyss gulped, but smiled and said, "Alyss Mainwaring, ma'am." Evan snorted.

"Don't call me ma'am. It makes me feel as old as Paulie." She said. "Call me Evan, or as Paulie does, Evie." Alyss smiled warmly at her.

"Auntie Evie, then." Evan grimaced a little at the addition, but didn't correct Alyss. Will thought he was forgotten until her finger was pointing in his face.

"You, young-in. What's your name?" Will wanted to run away, but he pushed away the urge.

"My name is Will." He said, and in the rush, completely forgot to add his new-ish last name. Evan's eyebrow rose.

"No last name?" She asked curiously. Will mutely shook his head, deeming it too late to add it in. He was expecting her to look at him pityingly, or laugh. She smiled.

"Same as me then." She said. Will looked at her in astonishment. "I had one...I think...at some point...hmm." she seemed to be trying to remember her last name, and then she shrugged, giving up. "I guess that makes you my protege." she said happily, and then hooked her arm around Will's neck before he could move, and gave him a knuckle sandwich.

Will let out a yelp. "Hey! What are….hey…...Stop!" Evan chuckled as she continued to administer the knuckle sandwich.

"Tough love kid! Get used to it!"


	3. The Look

**Here's a quick letter from the authors. We would like to thank everything ecstatic and moniquebowman for reviewing! To answer your question, moniquebowman, ;) you're going to find out in this chapter, so don't worry. And everything ecstatic; here's your next chapter! We would like to also thank Willow Treaty for following and favoriting! Here's a cookie for you guys! (::) (::) (::)**

**ureshiitamago: *kisses* we love you!**

**acacia626: :) thank's for liking this fic, and reviewing!**

**ureshiitamago: Disclaimer; we don't own Ranger's Apprentice (though it would be awesome if we did) We only own this original story line and any OCs that crop up. (And there will be a few others than Evan, she isn't our absolute favorite :P)**

**Evan: Hey! Come here you!**

**ureshiitamago: AAAAAAAAAH! *runs away from knitting needle wielding maniac* **

_Will let out a yelp. "Hey! What are….hey…...Stop!" Evan chuckled as she continued to administer the knuckle sandwich._

"_Tough love kid! Get used to it!"_

**Chapter 3: The Look**

Evan finally let go of Will after much persuasion on Paulines' part. Most of which involved polite asking and gentle tugging of the arm until Pauline finally crossed her arms and frowned at her old friend. Her old friend knew that if she didn't stop, she would be dead soon, so she stopped. Evan grinned meekly at Pauline, and stepped away from Will.

"You were going somewhere?" Evan asked Will. He nodded, still rubbing his head where she had knuckle sandwiched him.

"They were going to see Baron Arald." Pauline said in a slightly clipped tone. Evan looked at her with slightly narrowed eyes, trying to gauge how irritated her old friend was. Taking in the small dimple in between Paulines' eyebrows, Evan concluded that Pauline was _very_ irritated indeed.

"Heh heh. May I ask why?" Evan asked, suddenly the epitome of politeness. Will and Alyss glanced at each other in amusement. Halt seemed to be recovering from whatever mental blow Evan's presence had brought, and he was now motioning towards the door behind Evan's back. Will was the first to understand that Halt wanted to leave Evan here, and so he inclined his head to Pauline in a goodbye while the lady was explaining the nature of the visit to her friend. Pauline nodded back, and he, Horace, and Halt tip toed towards the door.

"Perhaps, Evie dear, you would like to go with them on their quest?" Pauline asked, well aware that her husband _really_ didn't want that. The three men froze, and slowly turned back around. Will made a face at Alyss, who was trying and failing to hide her laughter.

"Hmmm…" Evan hummed thoughtfully, "I don't see why not."

"I do…" Halt muttered to himself, making sure that it was quiet enough that no one could hear him except for Will and Horace. Horace snorted quietly, and Will's lips twitched upwards a little bit. Evan turned around and clapped her hands in one smooth motion.

"Well, boys, let's get gone." she said in an energized voice. Her eyes and smile were both unnaturally wide, and she strode past them out the door, grabbing hold of Will's ear and Halt's ear, dragging them with her, leaving Horace to follow. He was about to say something, but one look at Pauline made him gulp and race out the door after them. People chasing after him with swords and other weapons he could handle, but an angry woman? No sir, that's where he drew the line.

Evan continued to drag the two by their ears until she thought she was far enough away from Paulines' scary irritatedness, and then she let go, and stood against a wall. She let out a long sigh.

"Yeesh, Paulie's still got _the look_, doesn't she?" she asked Halt, completely forgetting that she was supposed to hate him for a moment. Halt nodded sympathetically. He had been on the receiving end of _the look_ many times, and all were frightening.

"Uum, Evan? Mind if I ask you something?" Horace asked, having finally caught up to them. Evan raised her eyebrows and grinned feraly.

"You already did, kid. But shoot." she responded. Horace looked at Will, who looked at Halt, who looked back at Will, who looked back at Horace, who shrugged and looked back at Evan.

"Why do you wear trousers, a chainmail skirt, and chestplate armor?" he asked. Evan's grin widened, if that was anatomically possible.

"'Cause I'm a Lady Knight, kid. Next question." Will and Horace stared at her in disbelief while Halt just sighed and shook his head.

"Um, ok...why do you have a sword strapped to your back and a knitting needle in your belt?" he asked, pointing to the said items in turn. Evan nodded seriously.

"I'm a knight, these," she gestured to the sword and knitting needle, "are my weapons." there was a moment of silence.

"A KNITTING NEEDLE?" Both Will and Horace shouted at the same time. Evan cringed, and clapped her hands over her ears.

"Whoa, boys. Keep it down to a holler. Yeah, a knitting needle." she said irritably.

"Why don't you tell them why." Halt gently prodded, only to turn pale when she glared at him and whipped said knitting needle out from its place on her belt. She turned to Will and Horace, waved the knitting needle in front of them, and then proceeded to lightly press her fingertip on the point of the needle. Blood immediately welled, and she held up the now injured finger to show them the wound.

"What is it made of?" Will finally managed to ask, staring at the totally innocent looking wooden knitting needle.

"Same as my sword," Evan said, "best Nihon-ja steel. Made it myself." They stared at her before Horace pointed out the obvious.

"But it looks like wood." He said. Evan rolled her eyes.

"Ever heard of a wolf in sheep's clothing?" she asked before tapping the end of his nose with the flat of the needle. "And I became a knight the same way you did. I trained." she grinned savagely. "And if you don't believe me, ask Halt here, or the Baron. Who we have to see. So, hop to it!" She strode off in the direction opposite the way to the Barons' office.

"It's this way!" The three of them called after her. She did a quick about face and sailed past them with a red face.


	4. Baron Arald

**acacia626: Well…...certainly has been a while, huh. Guess that's my fault. *dodges arrow* NOT FUNNY! *sigh***

**ureshiitamago: Long time no talk! *Dances a bit to avoid stones being thrown* I'm **_**sorry**_ **I have other fanfics to attend to! (And, you know, homework…)**

**acacia626: Don't we all. Wait…..only part of that applies to me. This is my only fanfic so far :3**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T LIVE IN AUSTRALIA OR HAVE AUSSIE ACCENTS! *sigh* The only things we own are Evan, this storyline, and any other OCs that may or may not pop up :)**

**A mucho gracias to the lovely peoples who favorited/followed/reviewed! Thanks for waiting! Here's your (extremely late) next chapter!**

_She grinned savagely. "And if you don't believe me, ask Halt here, or the Baron. Who we have to see. So, hop to it!" She strode off in the direction opposite the way to the Barons' office._

"_It's this way!" The three of them called after her. She did a quick about face and sailed past them with a red face. _

**Chapter Four: Baron Arald**

Will looked at Evan as she marched behind Halt, but in front of Horace and himself. She was muttering something under her breath, and if he strained his ears, he could hear snippets of; '...stupid…...north shouldn't be that way….blasted toads…...unicorns, why unicorns?...bah humbug!' Will couldn't count how many times he had to grab Evan's arm to stop her from walking down the wrong hallway. He wondered why she was talking about unicorns and humbugs, but was grateful that she hadn't stabbed him with her knitting needle. Yet. They ascended the stairs, Halt and Will making no noise, Horace and Evan making so much noise (to the Rangers) that it set both the Ranger's teeth on edge.

"Could you walk _more_ loudly?" Will asked Horace. (Evan was too scary to tease...so far…) "I don't think the whole castle heard you yet!" Horace looked back (and down) at Will and grinned.

"We aren't in the woods running from Temujai, hiding from the Scotti, in Arridia being chased by Tulahagi, hiding from Tennyson, stalking Genovesans, or dodging Arisaka's men, you know." He said with a laugh. Evan reached up, and up, and smacked him on the back of the neck. (She was too short to reach his head)

"Always listen to Rangers…" she said, and then, seeing Halt's grin, "...except for Halt." Halt's face fell back to its normal scowl.

Will forced a snicker down as he heard Halt mutter something extremely unflattering about female knights and their incessant need to put other people down. He grit his teeth as Horace bumped into the wall, causing his chainmail to screech briefly on the stone. He glared up at Horace, sure that he was doing it on purpose. The all too innocent look on Horace's face confirmed it.

Halt stopped, causing a small pile-up in the stairwell. Evan stepped back, rubbing her nose from where she had bonked it on Halt's quiver. She glared daggers at him and slowly reached for her knitting needle, but the look on Halt's face stopped her. He turned around and faced Horace, eyes level due to the fact that Halt was standing two steps higher than Horace.

"Horace, can you stop being so noisy and annoying? The Baron does like to have peace and quiet, you know." Halt's acerbic tone lashed out, and Horace flinched, eyes down.

"Yeah...sorry Halt." Will looked at Horace, disbelief in his eyes. What, no apology to him? He snorted silently. Halt nodded once, then turned and continued up the stairs. Evan sighed and climbed after him, armour clanking with each step. Horace, a subdued look on his face, clanked after her. Will rolled his eyes to heaven, sighed, and silently followed them.

~lol linebreak~

Halt stopped in front of the Baron's door and, glancing back at his companions, knocked firmly on the door. Voices inside the room stopped, then one called out, "Come in!" Halt pulled open the heavy door and slipped to the side, letting the others pass through. He closed the door softly after Will entered, then turned and faced the desk. Surprisingly, Sir Rodney was there, and there was a tankard of ale on the Baron's desk surrounded by paperwork. Halt raised an eyebrow. Evan, on the other hand, gave a shout, and barreled into Rodney, hugging him and then thumping his back with great vigor.

"Rodney! Ya ol' bean! So good to see you after 20 years!" she laughed. Rodney grimaced, and said;

"Yeah, great to see you too. Tell you what, stop thumping me, and I'll hug you." the thumping immediately stopped, and Evan was swept up into a hug. Once the embrace was over, Evan turned to Arald, and quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Those whippersnappers over there," she jerked a thumb in the direction of Will and Horace, "don't believe that I'm a fully fledged knight." It was Arald's turn to raise an eyebrow. He turned to look at the two young men.

"You don't believe her even after seeing her wield her knitting needle?" He asked, disbelief evident in his voice. Will and Horace shifted uncomfortably, though Will hid it better than Horace. The Baron nodded.

"Well, it's true." He said with a sigh. "I was once on the receiving end of that needle, you know. It's rather sharp, and that wasn't an experience I'd like to repeat."

"Wasn't _my_ fault you woke me up from my nap!" Evan said, crossing her arms and glaring at the Baron. Arald gave a long suffering sigh, and looked at the two young men again.

"She's a knight." He said. Horace and Will decided to take his word for it. Once that confusion was over, the Baron got down to business.

"So, as you all know-"

"No, I don't." Evan interrupted. The Baron glared at her, but she didn't flinch, instead opting to whistle and look at the ceiling, trying to deny that she had said anything.

"As you all know, there has been some activity with some religious cults that seemed relatively harmless. We should have known there was something wrong, because they refused to accept any money from the villagers, but intermingled for a few months before leaving. However, after a few months, a few people in the villages would have a few people go missing. They never connected it to the 'believers' because they gave them no reason to suspect them. Now, we had received intelligence that they are slavers kidnapping Araluens to sell on the save market."

"So, we're going to bash up some slavers?" Evan asked with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "Count me in!" Halt resisted the urge to face-palm.

"This isn't fun and games, _Evangeline_." Halt said. Will noticed Evan stiffen slightly. _Oh oh…_

"This is real life, with real people's lives at stake." Halt went on. The temperature in the room dropped a few notches, and Will was almost 100% certain that if he looked at Evan now, she would be surrounded in a snowstorm.

"I know that, _Halt_." Evan said, her voice icy and dripping with venom. "And I remind you to use _Evan_ when talking to me, or do not talk at all."

_Oooh boy…_ Will thought, sharing a glance with Horace. _This is going to be one awkward trip…_

**acacia626: By the way, we are going to be updating rather sporadically, since this is a co-op between us two loverly authors (shhhhh…..totally a word right there). We will try to get a somewhat regular scheduled working for the two of us…... Terribly sorry for all those who were waiting for….a while for this latest chappie. *cries* I'll work harder to get the next one out sooner! Hugs for all!**

**ureshiitamago: I don't give hugs...jk! HUGS!**


	5. Chapter 5

**acacia626: *twirls around in a dance* I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING! URESHIITAMAGO HELP!**

**ureshiitamago: wow, it sounds like someone calling for help from a superhero...it goes like this. First, we thank the nice people, then, we respond to reviews, after that, we do a disclaimer, and then we start the chappie! Got it now? **

**acacia626: ummmm…...yes? Thank you to all of our wonderful readers! (I did that right, right?)**

**ureshiitamago: :) yup! Now, the response to the reviews.**

** Amanda. Racette: Nope, not her sister. **

** same person as above name: ;) we know there are readers, we're just procrastinators! (Maybe that's not a good thing…) And as for where she's been...well, I'm not going to give anything away.**

**acacia626: spoilers are evil…..and we try not to be. Usually.**

**ureshiitamago: What, evil? If so, I've been evil this whole time, dontcha know.**

**DISCLAIMER: We don't own Ranger's Apprentice. Because we're both American. But we do own all OCs! And this story!**

**Chapter Five: Hello First Crack Chappie! **

"Toads aren't frogs." Will glanced up from the report that he was reading, and looked at Evan, who was slamming the door behind her with an angry look on her face.

"Pardon?" Will asked, wondering if he had heard what she said right. Evan glowered at him and crossed her arms across her chest armor.

"Toads aren't frogs." She repeated angrily. "Any _idiot_ knows that." Will blinked a few times.

"Umm...I think that toads are frogs." He said tentatively. Evan gasped, and stared at him wide eyed.

"Blasphemy!" She shouted, pointing a knitting needle (how did that get there?) at him. Will reared back in his chair, succeeding in tipping backwards enough to fall onto the ground, and scuttled away from the terrifying weapon. (Seriously, it was _terrifying_. He had once seen her hold off a handful of bandits with it while dispatching of another handful with her sword.)

"TOADS. ARE. NOT. FROGS!"

"OK OK!" Will yelled, holding up his hands as he continued to back away from her terrifying advance. Evan stood for a moment, glaring at him through slitted eyelids, before huffing irritably and stuffing the knitting needle of doom back into her belt.

"There is no scientific evidence that toads are frogs, therefore, until there is some, I won't believe that they are." Evan said reasonably. She seemed calm, the complete opposite of the ranting monster that had exploded into Will's living room only minutes before. With that said, she lifted her nose into the air, sniffed disdainfully, and walked out of the house, closing the door with a slight slam behind her.

'O-kay?' thought Will as he stood up and sat back in his chair to finish the report.

lol linebreak

Halt started violently when the door to his and Pauline's apartments slammed open. He swore when he accidentally spilled the fletching glue over the table. He whipped around, furious at whoever had entered. He blinked when he saw that it was Evan.

"Uh...Evan? What are you doing here?" He asked cautiously, taking in her rather disheveled look. Evan strode into the room, her hands clenched tightly at her sides.

"Toads aren't frogs!" She exclaimed in an angry tone, eyes glittering with fury. Halt sat back, wondering what had brought this on.

"Ok Evan. I believe you."

She blinked. "You do?" Halt nodded. She grinned.

"I knew it!" She exclaimed, and ran out of the room. Halt rolled his eyes, and turned back to his arrow fletching. He swore once more when he saw the glue covering his arrows, his fletchings, his table, and the floor.

XD love them line breaks!

Horace carefully drew the whetstone down his sword, listening to the satisfying _shhhiing_ as it sharpened the (already sharp) metal. He looked up, startled, as Evan fled across the court-yard, yelling at the top of her lungs:

"TOADS ARE NOT FROGS, YOU BUTTS!" He gaped at her disappearing figure, and winced as he hit his knee with the whetstone.

LINEBREAK FOR THE WIN

Alyss yelped as the door slammed open to her apartment. She spun around in shock to see Evan standing in the middle of the doorway, hands on hips, with a furious expression on her face. Alyss gulped as Evan stalked towards her. She started backing up, reluctant to face the wrath of the tiny knight.

"Alyss. Toads aren't frogs. Yes or no." Said tiny knight growled at her. Alyss frowned. That was a rather odd question, coming from a knight. She thought about it for a moment, then answered.

"Well, all toads are frogs, but not all frogs are toads." A look of confusion came upon Evan's face, and she tilted her head to the side.

"Wassat supposed to mean?" She asked. Alyss sighed.

"It means that all toads are frogs. However, there are some frogs that are not toads. Do you understand?" Evan adopted a thinking look on her face, and then nodded.

"Yes, that makes more sense than all frogs are toads and vice versa." Evan said with a nod before stalking out the door. Alyss followed her and shut the door, shaking her head in bemusement. What an odd day.

LINE BREAK BECAUSE WE ARE UNABLE TO MAKE THE ACTUAL LINE BREAK XD

Pauline sat in her favorite chair reading a novel that Halt had bought her. She turned the page, anxious to reach the conclusion, when her door burst open, and Evan ran into her room, tears streaming from her eyes.

"TOADS AREN'T FROGS!" She shouted before collapsing dramatically onto Pauline's couch and sobbing loudly about her misfortune with proving that fact. Pauline sighed sharply and marked her place in the book before closing it forcefully. She stood up and walked over to her couch, which contained a loud, wailing, loose cannon of a knight. Pauline nudged Evan farther onto the couch before perching on the side.

"Now, do you mind telling me what this is all about?" Pauline asked in a calm tone.

"T-the *hick* v-villagers *hick* said *hick* t-t-that *hick* t-toads *hick* were *hick* f-f-f-frogs *hick* a-and *hick* I know *hick* t-that *hick* they *hick* a-aren't! *hick*" Evan managed to get out through her incessant sobbing. Pauline frowned.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" She asked, very confused at this point. Evan had finally stopped crying at this point and just had her head in one of the pillows, so her voice was only slightly muffled.

"When I was in Teutland, I was guarding a caravan, and we needed food, so the guide who was with us showed the guards how to catch frogs. He told us that the frogs were way different than the toads because toads have more warts and are bigger. Also, if you catch a toad, then all of the other toads will know and will find you, and murder you in your sleep." She sniffed, and then finished her thought. "That's why we should only hunt frogs, is what the guide said."

Pauline stared at her friend for a moment, then forced herself to swallow a laugh that threatened to bubble out.

"Evie," she started, "just because you were only supposed to hunt frogs doesn't mean that toads and frogs are two completely different types of amphibians. They're more like….like….close cousins." Evan looked up at her with big watery puppy-dog eyes.

"Really?" She asked. Pauline smiled and nodded, patting Evan on the back.

"Really."

"So, the toads won't come after me if I eat one of their own when I'm starving the next time I'm out adventuring?" Pauline forced herself to keep a straight face.

"I promise they won't."

After that, the people of Redmount were told never to say out loud that toads were frogs, or any similar nonsense within a five mile radius of Evan ever again.

**We've been suspiciously absent...for that, we apologize! *bows in sync* We will try to get the continuation of our more serious storyline up soon, as long as acacia626 works when I need her to. (this is ureshiitamago right now)**

**acacia626: Hey, I've worked on it when you haven't. School hit me hard. But now it's SUMMER! XD So I will be able to work on it more often...I think.**

**ureshiitamago: you better, 'cause I have a lot to do this summer, and my time will (sadly) not be spent on fanfic. :'(**

**acacia626: I understand. Anyways, to those of you who stuck with us through our (very) sporadic updates, we love you! *hugs***

**ureshiitamago: as you can see, we will also take requests for crack fics (we have a few of our own planned out), so send in your requests, and we will (maybe) get around to them. **

**ureshiitamago and acacia626 out!**


	6. The Mission

**ureshiitamago: aaaaaaaaaaaaand we're back! (I think. I seriously do not know at this point how long it will take from starting this chapter to actually publishing it…..)**

**acacia626: Have some faith! We will prevail over our….uh….stuff. That needs to be doing. Yeah. (nailed it)**

**ureshiitamago: You mean; "we will prevail over all obstacles set in our respective paths as future adults of the US of A! WE. WILL. PREVAIL!" I cannot believe you didn't think of that.**

**acacia626: Oh, I'm sorry. My brain is rather scrambled from back-to-back camping trips!**

**ureshiitamago: hmm...mayhap getting you up at 6 in the morning every day to take a shower wasn't a great idea...meh, you dealt with it splendidly. **

**acacia626: I still think we could have gotten up later…..**

**ureshiitamago: and let all the other people take the hot water? NO THANKS! It was too windy there to actually enjoy a cold shower. **

**acacia626: …...I hate logic.**

**ureshiitamago: that's why I'm in Ravenclaw. **

**acacia626: Meh. Hufflepuff for the WIN!**

**ureshiitamago: We should probably get to the actual story now, miss I like potatos. **

**acacia626: Hey, potatoes are delicious. Anyways, without further ado, here's our planned program!**

**ureshiitamago: Yeah! (hey, did any of you notice one word spelled differently? It is correct both ways, see if you can find it!)**

**Disclaimer: we give up on disclaimer. If you do not understand that we are not John Flanagan, so be it.**

"_I know that, Halt." Evan said, her voice icy and dripping with venom. "And I remind you to use Evan when talking to me, or do not talk at all."_

_Oooh boy… Will thought, sharing a glance with Horace. This is going to be one awkward trip…_

Chapter 5: The Mission

Evan stalked the halls in front of the group, and Will blinked when he thought he saw lightning appearing around her. She still seemed to be a little angry about Halt's comment that the mission wasn't a game. Will shifted his gaze to Halt, who walked behind Evan. Will could see from the stiffness in his shoulders that he too was still angry. He rolled his eyes. Those two needed to get over it. He glanced up at Horace, who was directly in front of him. Horace was uncomfortable with the icy atmosphere that had filled the gaps between the four members of the expedition, and was wondering about the strange shape that Evan's scabbard took. It looked a little too curved to be normal.

"Evan, the stables are this way." Horace said quietly when they had left the castle and Evan had continued walking towards the edge of the village, and not towards the stables.

"I know that, sonny, but Dipsy isn't at the stables, she's down by the courtyard." Horace watched with wide eyes as she continued walking, apparently not noticing a cream colored horse trot out of the stables, in full tack, and follow behind her. Horace turned to Will, who also had wide eyes. Will opened his mouth slightly, wondering if he should tell Evan, then decided against it, not wanting to face her biting sarcasm. He merely whistled for Tug, who trotted out to meet him, also in full tack.

They later met Evan at the edges of Redmont, after they had bought their supplies for the trip. She was lying backwards on the cream colored horse that they had seen following her, and was chewing on what looked like a long piece of grass. She was staring up at the clouds, and whacking her horse on the back of the neck with her feet. Her horse didn't seem to notice. Will thought that it might have been a daily occurrence.

"Is this Dipsy?" Will asked, indicating the cream horse with his hand. Evan lifted up her head and turned towards him, balancing precariously on her saddle.

"Yeah, she's what people call a palomino shire. Or somesuch." Evan said flippantly. The horse was beautiful, but waaay too big. As Will had observed, it was cream, but with a thick, wavy, white mane. The hooves were large, with feathery white hair almost entirely covering the hoof. Dipsy also had a full-face white blaze, with locks of white mane partially covering it. Her tail was long, and also white. Will just managed to conceal a gape at Dipsy's height, which looked to be about 16 and a half hands tall. Evan was smaller than Will. This blew Will's mind.

"She has a really tall horse." Will commented. Tug snorted and tossed his head. _I could outrun that overgrown mammoth anyday._ Will patted his pony's neck.

"I know you could." He whispered to Tug. Dipsy lifted up her head and looked over at Tug. She had blue eyes. They looked murderous. _You dare insult me? Feel my wrath, you puny mammal!_ Tug glared back. _You are a mammal too._ Dipsy snorted and stomped the ground with a hoof. Will could feel the vibration through Tug. _I am Dipsy, the navigator. Whenever this wacko on my back tries to turn off the correct path, I do not listen. She has finally given up trying to correct me._ Tug raised an eyebrow. _I don't have that problem._ Dipsy let out a sigh. _You should be grateful. Want to race?_ Tug nodded his head vigorously. Will's eyes widened and he gripped his reins harder. Uh oh.

And they were off, leaving Horace and Halt in the dust. Evan let out a surprised yelp as Dipsy shot forward down the road. She had been sitting on the saddle backwards and was hanging on for dear life. Will looked at her guiltily as she turned her head and sent a glare that could melt metal at him.

"YOU LET YOUR HORSE GET EYE CONTACT WITH HER, DIDN'T YOU!" She shouted, looking a little white.

Will winced. "I didn't know!" he shouted back, a little panicked.

"THIS LITTLE S&amp;^% CHALLENGES EVERY HORSE SHE MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH TO A RACE! YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE BROKEN A BONE BECAUSE OF THAT?!" Her face was turning red, and she shifted backwards in her seat, and then proceeded to turn around to sit properly in the saddle while Dipsy was galloping full tilt. Will gaped at her skill, then decided that he better pay attention to the road to avoid any obstacles. _Like that!_ Will pulled on Tug's reins sharply as he saw the figures standing in the middle of the road. Evan, however, seemed to have no qualms about running them down, and scattered them like many little ants on a rainy day.

"*$^&amp;#(&amp;$&amp;#(&amp;$" She shouted, finally succeeding in stopping Dipsy. _Or,_ Will thought, _she might not have been able to stop Dipsy…_ Will's highly trained ears then picked up rustling from the forest on either side of the road, and he barely managed to drop to the path before the place where he had been was full of arrows. _An ambush!_ Will thought as he rolled into the nearest ditch, pulling his hood over his head. When he looked out of the ditch, arrow already on the string of his longbow, he saw Evan, still on top of Dipsy, wielding her sword instead of her knitting needle.

"C'MON YA PANSIES! PANTY-WAISTS! WANKERS! SHOW YER BLOODY FACES, AND GET DEAD!" She shouted, ground around her and Dipsy already strewn with 10 dead bodies. Will noticed that Dipsy's hooves were stained with blood as well as Evan's sword. Her sword looked incredibly odd to Will, who was used to odd looking weapons.

Her sword was straight near the hilt, but then turned sharply for an inch and then continued to curve outwards until the end, where it turned into a small hook. The metal of the sword looked just like the Nihon-ja sword that Horace had received from Shigeru. In short, it looked deadly. Evan's hair was swirling around her head in a mess of silver, and she had a maniacal look in her teal eyes.

Will shivered, then focused on the fight. He stood slowly, making sure that he blended in with the trees. Then, raising his bow, he rapidly let loose a series of arrows. Several enemies fell to the ground.

"Well done my young protege! There's hope for you yet!" Evan shouted as she disposed of more enemies. Will sputtered indignantly and went back to firing his longbow as fast as he saw enemies. In the distance, he could hear the sound of approaching hoofbeats, and hoped that it was Halt and Horace.


	7. The Journey (part 1)

**ureshiitamago: *sings a nonsense song about Rangers***

**acacia626: *tries to greet you* *glares at ureshiitamago* CUT IT OUT!**

**ureshiitamago: *pauses* no. *goes back to singing **_**even louder**_*** **

**acacia626: *facepalm* WELL, I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO SHOUT. HELLO READERS! WELCOME BACK TO OUR FABULOUS STORY. HOPEFULLY YOU DON'T WANT TO KILL US FOR THAT RATHER LONG BREAK, BUT SOMEHOW I DOUBT THAT.**

**ureshiitamago: You know, I stopped singing when you said Hello readers. **

**acacia626: …..You could've told me.**

**ureshiitamago: yada, mendokusai. Omoshirokatta dakedo na. **

**acacia626: English?**

**ureshiitamago: Gomen! Eigo, wakarimasen. **

**acacia626: I give up. **

**ureshiitamago: *whispers to dear readers* I said, no, it's a pain, but it was interesting. Then I said, sorry, I don't speak English. **

**acacia626: Anyways, we managed to get a lot of stuff done!**

**ureshiitamago: (u.u) zzzzzzzzzz**

**acacia626: ….*irk mark* WAKE UP!**

**ureshiitamago: _ NUUUUUUUU! (u.u) zzzzzzzzzzzzz**

**acacia626: I give up. Anyways, here's the story.**

"_Well done my young protégé! There's hope for you yet!" Evan shouted as she disposed of more enemies. Will sputtered indignantly and went back to firing his longbow as fast as he saw enemies. In the distance, he could hear the sound of approaching hoof beats, and hoped that it was Halt and Horace._

Chapter 6: The Journey, part 1

By the time that Halt and Horace did show up, the enemies were completely decimated, except for one, who was being held captive by Tug and Dipsy, who had gotten over their differences and bonded over love of action. Evan and Will were sitting on the ground, back to back.

Horace looked around, shocked that Evan and Will had managed to defeat so many adversaries. Halt looked around in mild shock as well, but he wasn't as surprised since he knew the extent of Evan's battle prowess.

"That is a weird sword." Horace remarked, indicating Evan's sword as he dismounted from Kicker. Evan grinned from her spot on the ground and waved her sword.

"I picked up the design from my travels, whippersnapper. It's called a Khopesh. I named it Sting."

"Sting?"

"The first thing I fought with it was a big brown bear. Normally I wrestle those, but I wanted to try this sword out. It only made a dent, but it was enough to weaken the bear. It made a delicious soup." Evan said cheerily. Horace's jaw dropped open.

"You wrestle bears?" He nearly shouted in shock. Will looked up at him disbelievingly.

"You doubt Evan could even after you've seen her strength?" Horace shifted uncomfortably. "Well…"

Halt stepped in, his face grim. "Enough. We need to keep going to the coast to see if we can catch the slavers. But," here Halt smirked slightly, "let's ask our new friend to see what he can tell us." They all turned towards the captive, who started sweating slightly under the weight of the stares. Evan grinned savagely.

"I would've killed him, but my little protégé here told me we should leave the interrogating to you, Halt. Said something about how you would be great at it." She said. Dipsy snorted and stomped her foot in agreement. Halt smiled a thin-bladed smile that sent shivers down their captives' spine.

"Why, yes. I do enjoy talking with people who have tried to kill people." He walked over to the captive and grabbed his arm, dragged him over to a tree stump, and sat him against it. Halt took a seat in front of him and leaned forwards.

"Now. Why were you here?" He asked in a low tone, trying to unnerve the man. It worked, for sweat beaded on the man's brow and upper lip. He swallowed nervously.

"I-I was on my way to the nearest town to buy bread."

Minutes later, Halt returned to the group with a stoic face.

"He was recruited by a hooded man to attack us, but he doesn't know what the man looked like."

Will scowled. "So we have nothing to go on?" Evan stood up and rolled her shoulders, sheathing her sword as she did so.

"Sounds like," she admitted, walking over to Dipsy and jumping back onto her back.

"I just hope that when all is said and done, there are the same amount of living creatures as left Redmount," said Evan dryly, crossing her legs and arms.

Horace gaped at her, his expression so totally horrified that Evan just had to laugh.

"How could you say something like that? That just ruins team morale!" Horace gasped. Evan chortled and slapped the back of Dipsy's neck.

"How is it ruining the team morale? I thought Halt would be just as pessimistic!" Horace opened his mouth, about to respond, and then stopped, thinking what she said over, and nodded in agreement.

Will grinned "That is true," and glanced over at Halt to see a rather grumpy looking Ranger. Was he...pouting? No...Halt doesn't pout...right?

"I get pessimistic _one_ day and it's held over my head for all eternity…" the older Ranger grumbled. Evan smirked down at Halt, secretly enjoying being taller than him for a bit.

"Well of course," she simpered, "it's not as though you accidently made Pauline _cry_ over a ghost story or anything, no sir. I'm _not _trying to exact _revenge_ or anything…" Will and Horace's heads swung back and forth as Halt and Evan enacted a ping pong of comebacks.

"I wouldn't have told that ghost story in the first place if you'd have told me she was _scared of ghosts_ at the time!"

"Oh? Well you didn't ask. So much for caring about others feelings, Mr. _Cold-hearted_ Ranger." Halt sputtered for a second.

"_Cold-hearted_? I'll have you know, that time you snuck _frogs_ into my bed was pretty cold-hearted!"

"Yeah, about that...aren't Ranger's _supposed_ to notice if someone's been in their cabin? That was a test...you failed...miserably…" More sputtering from Halt.

"You two were friends huh," Horace commented idly, watching the banter and seeing the similarities between that and what he and Will would do.

"NO!" The two definitely-not-friends shouted, swinging their heads to glare at Horace. Halt was gripping the hilt of one of his Saxe knives, and Evan had half-drawn her knitting needle of doom from her belt. Horace blinked, and then raised his hands in self-defense and glanced over at Will with pleading eyes. Will raised an eyebrow, and then sighed, stepping forwards a little, effectively drawing attention away from Horace, who sighed in relief.

"What he meant to say was that the two of you bicker like an old couple, or at least really good friends," Will said in a monotone. Evan's nose wrinkled immediately, and she snarled in disgust.

"Like I would ever be _that one's_," she poked her unsheathed knitting needle in Halts' direction, "friend!"

"Likewise," said Halt coolly, tapping the handle of his Saxe with his pointer finger.

"Ummm…" The group blinked and looked over at the prisoner, who looked nervous about having interrupted. "I-I don't mean to b-be a bother, but, it s-sounds to me like the tall Knight and the short Ranger are right…" he trailed off as twin glares of pure ice were leveled at him, promising death after lengthy dismemberment and removal of the insides.

"We should get going," snapped Evan, tapping Dipsy on the head. Dipsy snorted and nickered at the other horses, who trotted over to their respective owners and stood still, waiting to be mounted.

Soon, the group was trotting along in silence, the tension ever mounting as they reached nearer to their goal. There was only one thought going through Horace and Will's heads as they stared at the older Knight and Ranger's backs.

'_Are we going to get there before they kill each other?_'


End file.
